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Bonniephile Glossary
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Her Bonnieness:
The 3rd person, formal reference to Bonnie...similar to "His" or "Her Honor, Excellency", et al...of course, in her presence, this can be used as the 1st person reference, also.
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Our Bonnie:
The 3rd person, possessive reference to her. After all, we are her most devoted subjects. We can all take our own individual contribution to bringing her to the attention of our fellow devotees of Her Bonnieness everywhere. So we can take some proprietary credit for her popularity to the rest of the world, as well.
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Bonniephile:
The official title for all fans of Bonnie. Those Who are such all have, in common, a recently discovered medical condition that has been given the name of:
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Bonnieitis:
An airborne virus spread through casual contact with Bonnie. This contact can either be visual (as when she is on TV) or audible (as in, when she was on CBS' radio coverage of Monday Night Football). This is a virus for which there is NO known cure. Once you have it, you are hooked. Fortunately, for all of us who suffer from this condition, it was simultaneously discovered that this is one virus for which NO cure is needed. All that is needed to sucessfully live with the symptons of withdrawl when she is not on-the-air, also discovered simultaneously, is your very own autographed picture of Bonnie or numerous visits to this club.
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B-Cube:
I credit Dick Enberg with my hearing the first reference to Bonnie as 'B-Square.' A fact that got me miffed because I didn't think of it first. Recently, I realized I could go one step further with the fact that Bonnie was born in Brooklyn. Therefore, (B)rooklyn's (B)onnie (B)ernstein. Hence, B-Cube.
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The Bonnie Effect:
The work environment that fellow CBS sideline
reporters are subjected to at games or events that they are
assigned. During these assignments, the colleagues of Bonnie are
subjected to negative responses from the attending crowd who voice
their displeasure over the fact that Bonnie is not assigned to their
game or event. The responses can range from subliminal indifference
to abject disdain. Although this state manifests itself in various
ways, the most common one is the verbal inquiry of asking the
targeted reporter, "Where's Bonnie?!" The delivery of the inquiry is
also varied, ranging from dismissive irrelevance to outright sarcasm,
depending upon the state of mind the inquirer is in at the time of
delivery.
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Bonnfire:
The name of the weekly chat session. The primary focus of
the cyber-gathering is, of course, to discuss Bonnie & her
performance (or lack thereof, if she has not been available) that
weekend. Although, it is not neccessarily limited to Bonnie or her
performance, any & all items & subjects are open for discussion. Nor
do they need be related to the athletic world.
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Phi Beta Bonnie:
The name of the official fraternity whose membership consists solely of Bonniephiles.
It is dedicated to the proposition that no woman in sports journalism does it better than Bonnie.
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Bonnieology:
The science and study of all things associated with, and related to, Bonnie.
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Vitamin B-Square:
The emotional, mental, and spiritual nutrient provided by Bonnie to all Bonniephiles during her in-person and on-air appearances.
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The Bonnie Treatment:
The act of assembling all Bonniephiles in support of Bonnie toward a common cause.
This manifests itself in either extolling her virtues or defending her honor.
This action comes in the form of, but is not solely exclusive to, participating in various polls, discussion groups or similar forums where Bonnie is either the feature attraction or a comprised participant of a larger group or subject.
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Third Member Bonnie (3MB):
A reference to the numerous times
she, and her fellow sideline reporters, are introduced as "the third
member of our crew."
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Bonnie Bundled:
Bonnie dressed in inclement weather gear.
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Bonnie Longstocking:
Bonnie sporting pigtails as her game coif.
Based on the hairstyle made famous by 'Pippi Longstocking,' the famous fictional children's book character.
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Desperatus Bonniephilius:
Loosely translated from the Latin
meaning "Desperate Bonniephile", it describes the mental, emotional &
spritual ennui that sets in during the spring & summer months with the
diminished on-air time given to Bonnie. It begins with the finale of
the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament and ends with her first NFL game.
Bonniephiles are advised to satiate their bouts of withdrawal by
accesssing their supply of Vitamin B-Square, of which storage is
recommended to occur during her regular on-air appearances. Relief may
also be provided be visits to this club and/or their affilated & duly
sanctioned websites.
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Bonnie File:
The personal collection of all media materials related to
Bonnie, such as news articles, magazine features & recordings of on-air
appearances.
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Hammerphile:
A Bonniephile who elicits the professional services of Bonnie through her
media consulting firm, Velvet Hammer.
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